Safety in the Storm
by Agent Malkere
Summary: It's a common misconception among civilians that only doms became shinobi. (Sasuke's life would have been so much easier if he'd just been born a dom - or even a switch like his brother.) AU.
1. Safety in the Storm

_**Safety in the Storm**  
_

 _by Agent Malkere_

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. (They just laughed at me when I tried to buy it from them with Monopoly money for some reason.)**

 _A/N: Alright, folks, this story contains a **yaoi side pairing and mild D/s themes**. If slash/yaoi/MxM and/or the world's most G-rated D/s isn't your thing, just hit the back button. As I'm sure you've noticed, the Naruto fandom is HUGE - I'm sure you'll be able to find something more to your liking. This story has been up on AO3 for a while, but I've finally decided to cross post it here.  
_

 _In this universe, a person's 'dynamic' (whether they're a sub, a dom, or a switch) is determined by their genetics._

* * *

There was a common misconception among civilians that only doms became shinobi. After all, they argued, killing was the ultimate form of domination. How could a sub ever wish to do that? It was true that the higher up the ranks you went the more prevalent the number of the doms became. The majority of jounin and ANBU were doms with a few switches thrown in the mix, but there were some subs. The most glaring exception to the rule, of course, was the fourth hokage. Everyone knew that the Yondaime had been a sub – civilians just seemed to conveniently forget that fact sometimes.

Just because it wasn't unheard of, though, didn't mean that Sasuke didn't resent the hell out of his dynamic. Not only had he been born the second son without his older brother's startling genius, but he was a sub as well. Itachi at least had had the decency to be a switch. (That's why Itachi had gone crazy, Sasuke heard some people whisper. Everyone knew that switches weren't as mentally stable as subs and doms. Sasuke didn't want to believe it, but these days he didn't know what to believe anymore.) Sasuke had always been a disappointment due to a simple twist of genetics that made him, according to his father, inherently weaker.

But now the Uchiha clan was dead, Itachi was a traitor, and Sasuke was a genin and an avenger. He'd spent the last five years of his life ruthlessly crushing down the instincts of his weak genetics. Maybe if he could deny it hard enough, one day he'd wake up and he really would be a dom instead of simply acting a part.

* * *

("Kakashi, please." Kakashi hesitated. He wasn't sure that he'd ever heard the Sandaime say 'please' before and certainly not in that tone of voice. "Minato-kun was able to help you. You have the best chance of being able to help him. Of being able to help any of them."

Kakashi's shoulders drooped the barest fraction of an inch.

"You know I'm no good with children, Hokage-sama. I _can't_ be your best choice."

"You're my only choice."

"I can't teach. I was never a child."

"At least give them a chance – no one else will.")

* * *

Sasuke's genin team was a mess. He'd heard that the top students were often lumped with the class's dead last to somehow "balance each other out." Sasuke thought that that sounded supremely dumb. He suspected he could see a different pattern, though. Sakura was a young dom whose civilian parents had somehow taught her that young ladies should act like fawning subs no matter what their actual dynamic. (And Sasuke hated her and envied her in equal turns, because she had everything he would never have and she _denied it._ ) Naruto was a loudmouth switch who didn't even seem to understand the concept of "dynamic." And Sasuke… well, he wasn't a sub no matter what his instincts told him. He wasn't _weak_ like that. Top students and dead last they may have been, but they were probably also the three most dynamically screwed up students the Academy had produced in _years_.

And to add insult to injury, they'd landed lazy, good-for-nothing Kakashi Hatake for their jounin sensei. Sasuke didn't want to know what Kakashi had done to piss the hokage off enough to get _them_ as his genin team. It was probably related to those stupid, orange books that he read in _public_ of all places. Whatever.

Even if Kakashi hadn't said anything about his personal dynamic, Sasuke could tell the man was a dom. He was too confident and well-assured, too highly ranked and, for some reason, respected to be anything else. All the other jounin sensei treated him as an equal.

Sasuke wanted that. Wanted that power and respect. Wanted everything that automatically came with being what he wasn't. With being a dom. He was so tired of never being enough.

* * *

("How did you do it, sensei?" Kakashi leaned back against the memorial stone. For once, he wasn't there to talk to Obito. "Why does the Sandaime think I can actually help them? They make our team look well adjusted.")

* * *

His teammates were growing on him. Just a little bit. At least, Naruto was. (His feelings for Sakura oscillated. Did he envy her? Did he resent her? Did he find that spark of determined confidence that shone through once in a while just the slightest bit attractive? He couldn't say. It depended on the day.)

Naruto was strange. He didn't really seem to understand the difference between a dom, a sub, and a switch, but at the same time, he had to have some level of comprehension because his Sexy no Jutsu was a little too well researched. Maybe he just played dumb? But that would be giving Naruto the credit of being smart enough to actually _know_ how to play dumb. As far as Sasuke was concerned, that was way too much credit.

Still, Naruto never treated him any differently. It was an open secret that the last loyal Uchiha was a sub, but Naruto only ever treated him like a rival. (Maybe like a friend.) It was… refreshing – if a little confusing. (It made Sasuke feel… safe. And it was relieving and terrifying all at once.)

No matter what, Naruto was still a dobe, though. But maybe… maybe he wasn't so bad. Maybe being on a team with Naruto wasn't such a chore. (Maybe this was what friends were like.) Sasuke could use a rival, after all. Beating Itachi was the end goal, but staying ahead of Naruto was a start.

Sasuke eyed the last cut his kunai had made on the trunk of the Wave Country tree and then glanced over at Naruto. They were both collapsed on the ground from exhaustion. Naruto beamed at him, and Sasuke couldn't help but give the tiniest of smiles in return.

Having a rival would help. Every little bit helped. (Sasuke had never had a friend before.)

* * *

(Kakashi was just barely recovered from his bout of chakra exhaustion and was bleeding heavily. That was the only reason it happened, the only reason he slipped up so badly.

Strong fingers clamped down on the back of his neck, and Kakashi couldn't help himself – he froze. His knees and muscles shook as training warred with instinct and revulsion raced through his body. He needed to _act_. If he didn't, then he would die and his students would be killed and he would have failed yet _again_.

"You know," Zabuza hissed in his ear, the smirk clear in his voice, "I read your bingo book entry, but I didn't believe. I guess they were right. You really are a-"

Kakashi finally wrenched control back of his body and slammed a kunai into Zabuza's gut.)

* * *

The first night after Zabuza and Haku's deaths was… hard. Sasuke wasn't sure how he felt. Shouldn't he be more elated that he'd finally woken his sharingan? Why did it feel like saving Naruto's life had been more important? And Haku…. The boy had been a sub, but he'd also been an incredibly strong shinobi. But also… Zabuza had used him like a tool. Haku had just been a tool being used by a dom. He was everything Sasuke wanted and hated at once. It was confusing.

Sasuke frowned at their little campfire in a way that definitely wasn't brooding. If he became a powerful shinobi, was that all he could ever hope to become? Someone else's tool just because he was a sub?

"Sensei?" Sakura's voice cut through his glum thoughts. "Sensei, are you alright?"

"Hm?" Kakashi looked up from his lurid orange book. (Sasuke couldn't believe that he'd actually brought that thing on a mission.) "Of course."

"It's just," Sakura hesitated a moment and then squared her shoulders and plowed ahead, "your hands are still shaking a bit and your eye…." She paused and squinted at Kakashi, and now that she pointed it out, Sasuke could see what she meant. Kakashi's one visible gray eye looked ever so slightly hazy. It was probably just blood loss. Sasuke returned his attention to the fire. His teammate worried too much. They were shinobi. Sakura's eyes suddenly widened and her mouth dropped open slightly in shock. "Kakashi-sensei, are you… are you a _sub_?"

Naruto and Sasuke's heads both snapped around to look at their sensei so fast it almost hurt. Whatever had made Sakura ask _that_?!

Kakashi blinked at Sakura almost lazily and then shrugged.

"Well, yes." Kakashi raised an eyebrow at her. "I always thought the collar gave me away." And now that he mentioned it, Sasuke noticed that he _was_ wearing a slim, black leather collar around the base of his throat. It was nearly invisible against the dark blue material of his mask.

Sasuke gaped at the collar as the bottom abruptly dropped out of his worldview.

"How could you tell?" yelped Naruto as he goggled at Sakura and then Kakashi. She looked embarrassed.

"Uh, the shaking and unfocused eyes," she mumbled. "I read about it once and they're-"

"Classic aftereffects of an attempted force down," Kakashi finished for her. "I was sloppy, and Zabuza got a hand through my defenses. I'll be fine once we get back to the village."

"But-" Sakura began to protest indignantly, but Kakashi cut her off.

"Time for sleep! Naruto, you're on the first watch with me. Sasuke, you're on in three hours, and Sakura, you've got the dawn watch."

Sakura huffed in irritation, but obediently lay down on her bedroll. Sasuke lay back on his own bedroll and stared up blankly at the stars overhead. His brain was still frantically trying to make sense of this new information.

Kakashi was powerful, strong, respected, and treated like an equal by other jounin. He was ex-ANBU. (They had all seen his tattoo when he was unconscious.) He had mastered his sharingan. He was dangerous enough to be listed in the bingo book. As far as Sasuke could tell, the man didn't appear to have a single subservient bone in his body. But he was a sub. It flew in the face of everything Sasuke had been taught about being a sub in the Uchiha clan. Subs supposed to be inherently weak and lacking in confidence, delicate. A shinobi sub rarely made it past the rank of chunin. A sub looked like, well, Hinata Hyuuga. (The Uchiha had liked to conveniently forget about the Yondiame just like the civilians did.)

It just didn't make sense.

But somewhere deep and unacknowledged in Sasuke's chest, something that had been tight and unhappy for as long as he could remember relaxed slightly. (Because no one – not even Itachi – had ever told him that he could become powerful just by being who he was.)

He drifted off to sleep, his brain still buzzing loudly. When they got back to the village, Sasuke was going to corner Kakashi, because he had some questions to ask. Maybe there was something worthwhile his sensei could teach him after all.

* * *

(Kakashi stumbled back into the empty apartment after reporting to the hokage and dismissing his students. He was the only one home at the moment, but it was a start. He collapsed onto a chair at the kitchen table and breathed slowly and deeply. The familiar mixture of smells helped to sooth his shattered nerves. That had been… far too close.

After a while, Kakashi folded his arms on the table and rested his head on them. He let his mind drift. His muscles still had a slight on and off tremor to them.

Sometime later – he wasn't sure how long – a familiar presence entered the room. Warm, strong fingers threaded through his hair and brushed against his scalp. Kakashi's shoulders relaxed. He was finally safe.)

* * *

Sasuke scowled at the apartment door in front of him. This wasn't asking for help. This was… practicing his interrogation skills. Yeah. Definitely. (He wasn't having nightmares about the cold, painful pricks of senbon or longing for that odd, safe sensation of someone else's hand encircling his wrist. He wasn't questioning whether he could honestly be himself and still be strong. He just wasn't.) Squaring his shoulders, Sasuke gave the door three sharp raps. There was a long pause and then the door swung open.

"Oh, hello, Sasuke. Can I help you?"

Sasuke blinked up at Iruka because… _what?_

"Um…." Sasuke's brain did a few frantic circles trying to make sense of this new information and then gave up. "I wanted to talk to Kakashi-sensei."

"Come in. If you wouldn't mind waiting in the kitchen for a minute, I'll get him. He's still down at the moment."

Sasuke allowed himself to be ushered through the apartment. Before he could really comprehend what was happening, he found himself sitting at a kitchen table. Iruka produced a pot of tea and cups as if by magic, poured a cup for Sasuke, smiled brightly, and then disappeared into the sitting area. For several long seconds, Sasuke sat and stared at his tea as curiosity warred with the manners his mother had spent years drilling into his head. Curiosity won. He was a shinobi, after all. Nosiness was practically part of the job description, and this whole situation was just too surreal. He slipped soundlessly from his chair and ghosted over to the doorway between the kitchen and the sitting area.

Seeing the reality was even more surreal than he had imagined.

Iruka was sitting on the edge of a small couch with Kakashi kneeling on the floor next to him, his cheek resting against Iruka's thigh. And… it _had_ to be Kakashi, because that mess of silver hair and vertical scar were very distinctive, but it didn't _look_ like him. The man kneeling next to Iruka looked wholly content and relaxed. There wasn't a single ridged or tense line to his body. His eyes were closed and there was a soft smile on his face which Sasuke could see because he _wasn't wearing a mask_. Iruka was running his fingers through Kakashi's hair and speaking softly to him.

Sasuke jerked back from the door as a bolt of something sharp and aching shot through his chest. It felt like he had just intruded on something deeply personal and intimate. (Far more intimate even than if he'd walked in on them naked.) And Sasuke realized that he _wanted_ that. He _**wanted**_ that. He wanted that _safety_ , that _comfort_ , that _connection_ , and he didn't understand it. Didn't understand why it spoke to something deep inside of him that yearned.

Quietly, he sat back down. Sasuke wasn't sure how long he sat at that table staring blankly into space with a cup of tea cooling between his hands. Eventually Iruka prodded an almost normal looking Kakashi into the kitchen. He still looked far too relaxed and seeing him with his flak jacket on was just weird. At least his mask was back in place.

"-and, yes, you do have to talk about your emotions," Iruka was saying. "That's an order."

Kakashi gave him a dramatic pout as he settled into the chair across from Sasuke.

"Maaa, but-"

"We're off duty," Iruka cut him off and pointed meaningfully at him. "What I say goes."

Kakashi let out a slightly put-upon sigh,

"Of course."

Iruka smiled,

"Good boy." He ruffled Kakashi's hair. His tone was light and fond, almost teasing. Kakashi beamed happily. "I'll be in the living room. I have homework to grade." He left.

"So," Kakashi turned to Sasuke his face serious, "you have questions along the lines of 'how can you be a sub and still be a highly skilled shinobi,' right?"

In the face of such unusual bluntness, Sasuke reverted back to his more comfortable monosyllabic grunts.

"Hn."

Kakashi raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him.

"There's a difference between being weak and giving your complete trust to one person. That kind of trust takes an incredible amount of strength."

Sasuke waited for him to go on, but Kakashi just poured himself a cup of tea. Then he casually pulled down his mask and took a sip as if he hadn't spent the last however many months going out of his way to avoid showing his face to any of his students.

Maybe Sasuke had somehow ended up in an alternate reality.

Either way, Sasuke was apparently going to have to work for his answers if he wanted them after all.

"But being a sub is inherently weak. How are you-? How are you not-?"

Kakashi sighed.

"I stopped denying who I was." He stared blandly at Sasuke's startled expression. "You're not the first sub ever to deny their dynamic because they thought it made them weak. Being strong and a leader is not the same thing as being dominant. The only thing that denial ever did for me was slow me down and get in my way."

"It doesn't make sense," Sasuke muttered.

"Dynamic has about as much to do with being a shinobi as gender. Yeah, sometimes it comes in handy on a mission but that's about it. It doesn't affect your skill or ability – it's just one of those things that civilians and some of the older clans get hung up on." He shrugged.

"But then why aren't more subs jounin?"

"Choice. Not everybody wants to be a jounin. Iruka could easily become a jounin if he put a bit more training in – he's just not interested. And he's a dom." Kakashi jerked a thumb in the direction Iruka had gone. "It has nothing to do with ability."

"You outrank your dom." It was a leading statement rather than a proper question, but sometimes coming up with the proper phrasing for questions was hard. Sasuke already felt like his brain was melting out of his ears from the basis of his reality crumbling.

"When we're on duty, yes, but we don't get put on missions together unless it's a dire emergency. We are in a relationship after all." Kakashi put his tea down and pulled his mask back up. "What we do on our own time is our business, but when we're on duty, we're just shinobi like everyone else – not a sub and a dom."

Sasuke broke eye contact to stare moodily down at his tea. He was hearing the words, but they just weren't making sense in his head. The silence stretched out with an edge of discomfort. Kakashi let out of huff and grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like "stupid feelings" before continuing,

"It's your wrists for you, right?"

That was so completely out of left field that Sasuke's head snapped up.

"What?"

"Your soft point. The place that makes you feel safe when someone holds it. That's why you wear those ridiculous arm things and just about ripped Sakura's head off when she tried to grab you by the arm."

Sasuke couldn't help himself – he gaped incredulously.

"How could you _possibly_ know that?!"

Kakashi gave him a look that was distinctly unimpressed.

"Every sub has one – exactly where varies from person to person. So let me tell you a little something about what exactly denial does aside from eating you up inside until you're an empty, automaton, shell of a person. Instead of just being an area to be mindful of in the field, your soft spot will become a _liability_ during battle and likely get you or your teammates killed. Your instincts will become so desperate for any form of release that if an enemy gets through your defenses and tries to force you down, _you will go down without a fight_. And if that isn't enough to motivate you, think about this. Itachi is a switch. Right now, all he has to do is grab your wrist, and you've lost."

Icy fingers crawled through Sasuke's chest at the mere thought of Itachi stopping him so easily.

"But you don't know that for certain," he countered. "You can't possibly know that-"

"It happened to me." Any further protest Sasuke might have made dried up in his throat. Kakashi's voice was detached, and he wasn't looking directly at Sasuke anymore. "I was about your age. An enemy got a hand on the back of my neck, and I went down so hard and fast I almost passed out. As a result one of my teammates was captured and because of _that_ , the other was killed a short while later."

The words left Sasuke feeling hollow and cold. (He'd been too young to stop Itachi from murdering their clan, but what if the second time he faced him he couldn't stop him because he'd _made himself_ weak? What if next time it was Naruto's bloody corpse on the ground and it was all his fault?)

"Are subs the only ones that happens to?" Wouldn't that just figure?

Kakashi snorted indelicately.

"Of course not. If Sakura doesn't get her head on straight soon, that split personality of hers is going to become dangerously permanent. And switches need balance like they need breathing."

Sasuke was quiet for a moment longer. Then he laced his fingers together and leaned his elbows on the tabletop.

"How do I stop myself from becoming a liability?"

"Give into your instincts every once in a while. It doesn't need to be all the time. Let yourself relax. The important thing is to allow yourself to de-stress. I meditated a lot before I was old enough and found a dom I trusted enough to put me safely down when I needed to. It helped. I still do that when I'm on long term missions. It's a trick my sensei taught me." He paused for a moment. "Anyway, I'm sure that's given you lots to think about – time to go!"

"Hey – what?!" Sasuke was rudely prodded away from the table and towards the door. His spluttering protests were ignored.

"Iruka!" Kakashi called. "I have talked about feelings for at least fifteen minutes with my student and have made progress – I can stop now, right?"

"Yes, you may." Iruka walked up behind Kakashi and swatted him on the back of the head.

"What was that for?" Kakashi was pouting again.

"Being a terrible host. Please feel free to stop by again anytime, Sasuke, whether you have more questions or would just like some more tea. You're always welcome."

Sasuke walked back towards his apartment, his mind swirling with thoughts and ideas and possibilities. (He wasn't weak. He never had been. The only chains holding him back were the ones he'd made for himself.) It was confusing, but he also felt… lighter.

"Hey, hey! Teme!" Naruto's ever loud and slightly rasping voice interrupted Sasuke's thoughts.

"What is it, dobe?" Sasuke was too busy having mind-blowing revelations to sound properly annoyed. Naruto grinned at him.

"I was gonna meet Sakura and some of the others at Ichiraku! You should come too!"

Sasuke opened his mouth to say no, but ( _Give into your instincts every once in a while_ ) it couldn't hurt, right? Maybe just this once. (Maybe having a friend would make him stronger, too. Who knew?)

"Hn. Sure, whatever."

It was… strange. Naruto's entire face lit up. All it had taken was the briefest touch of Sasuke's acknowledgement.

"Come on!" Naruto reached out and caught Sasuke's wrist before he could flinch away and- oh. There was that tempting wobble in his knees as his body subconsciously loosened and relaxed. (It had never felt quite like that before, and suddenly what Kakashi had described rang far too true.) Instead of yanking his arm free instantly, Sasuke allowed Naruto to tow him part way down the street. By the time he finally twisted free, his head felt clearer than it had in… a long time.

It was a start.

* * *

(Kakashi watched Sasuke and Naruto disappear around the street corner from his apartment window. He still thought the Sandaime was certifiable for making him a jounin sensei but… maybe just this once, Kakashi had done something right.

It was a start.)

* * *

 _A/N: If anyone is interested, there is a follow up story to this which I can post as a second chapter. Thanks for reading!_


	2. Sheep's Clothing

**_Sheep's Clothing_**

 _A/N: Happy holidays, everybody! Thank you so much to all of you who reviewed the previous chapter! Here, at long last, is the second installment. This was originally written as a one-shot series as oppose to a multi-chapter (hence the point of view shift).  
_

* * *

Here's the secret that nobody knew – Sakura's mother was non-dynamic.

Nobody knew why some children were born like that – not a dom, not a sub, not even a switch. It was considered a mental disorder by most. An imbalance of the brain chemicals that effected only one in five thousand people. Those born non-dynamic tended to be less empathetic and more prone to sociopathy and to have a difficult time interacting with other people socially in general. There was an old wives tale that said non-dynamic children were the result of an unhappy or unfaithful collaring, but nobody believed that anymore. Still, it was a phenomenon that was surrounded with social stigma.

Sakura's father was a civilian merchant, a switch who married for status and business contacts. Her mother's dowry had been as impressive as the textile empire Sakura's maternal grandfather had run. Her mother wore her father's collar to keep up the pretext that she was a sub, and she certainly knew how to play the part well, but she didn't _understand_ it. For wealthy civilians, even in a hidden village, dynamic was an elaborate and intricate social dance. Gender (which shinobi tended to ignore unless excess nakedness was involved) played just as large a role in how civilians were expected to behave in public as dynamic. Somehow, somewhere, in Sakura's mother's mind, she had come to equate "sub" with "female." And since she had a daughter and her daughter was obviously female, that must mean that her daughter was a sub. Therefore, her daughter ought to _act_ like a sub. (It never once crossed her mind that her daughter could be a dom.)

It probably wouldn't have been a problem if Sakura's father didn't spend most of his time on the road. He was doting but distant. The only way he could support his own dynamic needs without anyone questioning his wife's collaring was by being out of town.

Most of Sakura's formative years were spent ruthlessly crushing down her aggressive urges and learning to simper and fawn and expose her neck in a way that made her stomach feel sick. And when Sakura complained to her mother that it didn't feel right, didn't feel _natural_ , her mother had responded sharply that _of course it didn't_ – nothing _about_ dynamic was natural.

"If you don't learn this now, you'll never catch the eye of a wealthy dom!"

Sakura wanted to wail, 'But I don't _want_ a dom!' She didn't say it, though, and she didn't bring up the subject again.

(Sometimes Sakura wondered if her mother resented her. Resented Sakura for fitting into this confusing world that she herself had no hope of comprehending. Other times, when she was being scolded for being too forceful, for not being _sweet_ , Sakura wondered if she didn't resent her mother a little bit in return.)

After a while, the urges that Sakura was forced to ignore became a screaming voice in the back of her head. It shouted comments and opinions and suggestions that Sakura would never dare to act on no matter how appealing they were. (Sometimes, it scared her, that voice. Like another Sakura was trying to rip free of her brain. She tried not to think about it too hard.) The first time she gave into the voice's urgings, Sakura presented the paperwork necessary for her to apply to the Academy to her father without telling her mother. Her father beamed at her and signed the papers without any protest and told Sakura that she was making a good decision.

"Even if you eventually decide that you'd rather be a merchant, like me, instead of a shinobi, the baseline information you'll learn at the Academy will be very helpful to you in the future."

By the time Sakura's mother found out what she'd done, Sakura had already been registered, and Sakura's father had left the village again. (Sakura got in so much trouble, but it was worth it.)

"You'll figure it out soon enough," her mother snapped. "A rough shinobi life has no place in it for a girl like you."

 _Oh, yeah? Well then, I'll just_ _ **make one**_ _!_ snarled Inner Sakura.

Outer Sakura remained silent and broke eye contact. (She was still exactly on time for the first day of class.)

* * *

Sakura was both thrilled and mortified by her genin team. On the one hand, she was on the same team as Sasuke! Something about him made her want to comfort him, want to… hold him down. (She'd read books. Apparently that was a perfectly normal fantasy for a young dom to have about a sub, even if she didn't know what to do with such impulses.) Sometimes she braided grass collars the way Ino had taught her to when they were still friends and pretend that she was going to give them to Sasuke. She never followed through, though. Every time she was around Sasuke, her mother's training kicked in, in full force. But maybe if she spent enough time with Sasuke as a teammate, he'd actually go out on a date with her and maybe he'd even let her go so far as to hold his forearm. (Which sounded weird, but once again it was a dom thing, and it made her fingers tingle just at the thought. Inner Sakura had an awful lot to say on the subject.)

Then there was Naruto, who regularly ran roughshod over Sakura's self-restraint and let Inner Sakura escape. It irritated the hell out of Sakura (even if a little part of Sakura felt less tight afterwards and Inner Sakura seemed a little less loud). Naruto was obnoxious and loud and incompetent. (And maybe, just maybe, she envied just how easily and exuberantly Naruto knew how to be himself. At the end of the day, Naruto was _always_ true to himself and who he was. Some days Sakura stared at her reflection in the mirror and didn't even _know_ who she was.) But at least Naruto was a switch and not another dom. According to what she'd read, their team was, theoretically at least, well dynamically balanced. If they ever figured out how to work together, they would do well. (That didn't seem like a very likely possibility, though.)

And then there was Kakashi-sensei, and he just… didn't make sense. Sakura was fairly certain that he was a dom, but something about him poked at the back of her brain like an itch, and she couldn't quite put her finger on what it was. Maybe he was a switch. (She was wrong on both counts.) Whatever he was, he was frustrating and always late and always gave Sakura this look that seemed to say, 'I don't know quite what to do with you.' It made Sakura want to grind her teeth and scream.

* * *

Sakura's feet dragged on the road back from Wave Country. She felt… empty and kind of cold.

Useless.

She hadn't been able to protect _anyone_. She'd just been a liability. Inner Sakura had been screaming at her to _move_ , to _do something_ , to _act_ until Sakura's mind was practically deafened, but she hadn't been able to. Inner Sakura had been so loud that she hadn't been able to _focus_. Her teammates and sensei had all nearly _died_.

"Hey, Sakura-chan." Naruto was walking next to her, looking more thoughtful than usual. Sasuke was walking ahead of them just slightly behind Kakashi-sensei and staring at him so intensely that Sakura was a little afraid Kakashi might actually burst into flames. "What's the big deal about Kakashi-sensei being a sub? I mean, I couldn't tell, but I can never guess dynamics."

"Well," Sakura hesitated, "some people have views about how subs are supposed to act. Kakashi-sensei doesn't act like that."

"Like how?"

Sakura didn't say, 'Like me.'

"Demure. Quiet. Respectful."

"What's 'demmer'?"

"Demure," Sakura corrected automatically, too mentally exhausted to be annoyed. "It's sort of like being shy but flirty."

"That sounds dumb – believe it," Naruto declared. "Kakashi-sensei's still Kakashi-sensei. Why should he act like something he's not?"

"Yeah," Sakura mumbled. "Yeah, it is dumb."

(Sakura had spent all her life not being herself. She was afraid it might be too late to start now. But maybe she could still learn to get stronger.)

* * *

Sasuke had been acting _different_ since they had gotten back from that disastrous Wave Country mission. He wasn't _not_ acting like himself, but it was like something had changed. He seemed a touch softer around the edges, a little more relaxed. Sometimes he even smiled. Sakura hadn't thought it was actually possible for him to become _more_ handsome.

Sakura stared at her reflection in the mirror. She'd started training more rigorously outside of the time she spent with her teammates. It didn't feel like enough. There had to be more she could do. (Some way to figure out who she really was. Even just a hint.)

She sighed and picked up her brush. Her hair was always such a tangled mess after training these days, but her mother had always insisted that she wear it long.

 _Just chop it off,_ snapped Inner Sakura.

Sakura froze mid brush stroke. Part of her thrilled at the defiance of the thought, but her mother-

 _It's isn't_ _ **her**_ _hair! It always sticks to the back of your neck and gets all knotted. What kind of shinobi has long, pink hair, anyway?_

Sakura blinked at her reflection. It was only hair. It would grow back either way. To hell with it. She pulled a kunai out of the pouch still strapped to her thigh. She pulled a lock of hair tight, brought the blade to about an inch below chin level, and sliced. Pink strands of hair fluttered to the floor.

Sakura smiled.

(She didn't think that she imagined Kakashi's approving look at training the next day.)

* * *

 _Perfect chakra control_ , Sakura reminded herself as she frowned down at the scroll for what felt like the millionth time. _Kakashi-sensei said that I have perfect chakra control. I can do this – I really can._

The chuunin exams were coming up, and Sakura _knew_ that she couldn't just rely on Academy basics to see her through. She needed more, something extra up her sleeve. (She wouldn't be a burden to her teammates. Never again.) She'd been working hard on her taijutsu, but she always seemed to falter when it came to actual spars, like her mind and body were out of sync.

Having a few extra jutsus in her arsenal would help a lot. Even just having one would be better than only Academy basics. Sakura had given it some thought and decided that learning an earth jutsu would be best. Sasuke used a fire jutsu which was good for offense, so an earth justsu that was good for defense would give their team better balance. She'd picked two to learn. The hand seals had been simple enough to memorize.

Tiger. Hare. Boar. Dog.

Her fingers flew through the seals that she'd been practicing for days and then she slammed her palms into the ground.

"Doton: Doryuheki!"

The earth rippled. A tiny earth wall only five inches high rose and then immediately fell.

Sakura sat back on her heals and sighed in frustration. It felt like every time she went to release her chakra for the jutsu something in her head blipped and threw her off. It was just like her taijutsu. What the hell was going on?

Well, it was a B-ranked jutsu. And she _was_ making progress.

The other earth jutsu she had selected was done with Naruto's distracting Kage Bunshin in mind. Moguragakure no Jutsu was only a C-rank, and she was getting pretty decent with it as long as she wasn't, say, trying to use it in a spar. (Why did that always happen? Why were her mind and body never in agreement? Why did Inner Sakura distract her so badly?) Being able to tunnel up underneath your enemy while they were distracted by a bunshin was a very useful skill to have.

Sakura ran through the hand seals again.

Tiger-hare-boar-dog.

"Doton: Doryuheki!"

Again, a disappointingly small stone wall that sank away almost instantly. She gritted her teeth. Maybe she needed to be using a touch more chakra. Once more.

Sakura _would_ protect her teammates. She _would not be a burden_.

* * *

Sakura stared at the package Kakashi-sensei had handed her doubtfully. Naruto had one, too. Sasuke hadn't received a package, but he was sporting a new pair of leather wrist bracers studded with short, mat black spikes. (Inner Sakura thought that the bracers were hot. Outer Sakura agreed, but also recognized them for the protective armor they were.)

"Cool!" Naruto cheered. Sakura had expected him to rip through the paper, but instead he had carefully pulled off the piece of tape keeping the package closed. He held up a pair of new armor-backed black gloves. The metal plates were engraved with the leaf symbol and looked similar to the ones Kakashi wore. "Thanks, sensei!"

Sakura opened her own package. She stared at the armored gauntlets for a long moment before slipping them on. They covered her arms from wrist to elbow. Three metal plates overlapped each other like scales, creating light but effective armor, and the material they were attached to was thin and flexible, conforming to the shape of her forearms.

"Thank you, Kakashi-sensei. What's the occasion?"

"The chuunin exams are brutal," Kakashi shrugged, "and arms and hands are important. You never know what might be helpful."

Naruto had already pulled on his new gloves and started enthusiastically shadow boxing an imaginary opponent.

Helpful, huh? Sakura glanced at Sasuke's new wrist bracers again. Helpful or a clever diversion? After all, Sasuke would look less like he was hiding something – a weak point – if both of his teammates were wearing some sort of arm armor as well. She looked down at her own gauntlets. So wearing these would help keep Sasuke safe. Yeah, she could get behind that.

(And deep down inside, a quiet, soft, half-forgotten voice whispered, _I think they suit me._ )

* * *

Sakura had not expected the chuunin exams to be easy or uneventful, but this was just horrific. She _knew_ who Orochimaru was. She had been paying attention during the 'Powerful Missing-nin from Konoha and Why You Should Run If You Ever See Them' lecture back in the Academy. Orochimaru had been one of the _Sanin_. His power was on level with the _Sandaime_. Three genin didn't have a _prayer_ against that sort of might. (And Naruto was unconscious now, pinned to a tree by several kunai through his jacket. It was really only the two of them.)

Inner Sakura was screaming so loudly that Outer Sakura could barely hear what Orochimaru was saying. Something about Sasuke's eyes. And then,

"No, it can't be – you're a _sub_? What a _waste_ of a perfectly good pair of sharingan." The pale man's hands blurred through a complicated set of seals, and Sasuke abruptly collapsed to the ground unconscious. Sakura let out a yelp of shock and darted towards were Sasuke lay crumpled on the ground. Orochimaru turned his back on them and called out, "Clean up this mess. Hide the bodies, and bring me the Uchiha's head. I'll just have to transplant the eyes into a more appropriate subject." He carelessly tossed Team 7's scroll on the ground and disappeared in a flash of movement too fast for Sakura's eyes to follow.

Who was he talking to-?

And then Sakura was surrounded by three leering shinobi with cruel faces.

"Well, at least he left us a little bit of fun," smirked one of the young men. Two male doms and the young woman was a switch if Sakura was any guess.

Sakura pulled out a kunai and gripped it in white knuckled hands. Inner Sakura was still screaming. She couldn't focus. (She needed to protect her teammates.)

"Aw, lookit that," guffawed the other young man. "She looks like she gonna cry!" The young woman snickered.

Sakura lunged with her kunai. (She wasn't sure what sort of jutsus these people used, but if she kept things close by using taijutsu, maybe she could keep them from using any jutsus at all.) But it was happening again. Her body and mind were out of sync as Inner Sakura yelled and Outer Sakura tried to hit and kick. The young man with the holed metal device on his arm snorted, caught her easily by the back of the neck and threw her to the ground.

"That was just pathetic." Sakura tried to rise, but before she could make it past her knees, he caught the back of her neck again and held her in place. "Don't bother." Sakura's eyes widened. He was- He was trying to- "I don't even know why they let pathetic little subs like you out in the field."

He was trying to _force her down_ , because he thought she was a _sub_. He _thought she was a sub_.

"Maybe, if you're good, we'll kill you first," offered the smaller young man. "Or would you rather watch your teammates die? It could get messy – especially the Uchiha." He sounded keen on the idea.

"Yeah, just go down like a good little sub," sneered the young woman.

Sakura's entire body started shaking. Inner Sakura was suddenly silent, but she'd been replaced by another voice. Her mother's voice.

 _That temper of yours is nothing to be proud of, Sakura._

Rage was building in her bones.

 _Smile sweetly, dear. You want to attract a good dom, don't you?_

Her free hand clenched, fingernails biting into the earth.

 _Tilt your chin, expose your neck – they find that attractive for some reason._

The edge of her kunai was biting painfully into her fingers, drawing the tiniest trickle of blood.

 _Of course you're a sub, Sakura. Don't be ridiculous._

White hot fury ignited her soul and muscles and spread up into her mind.

 _Of course it doesn't feel natural! There's nothing_ _ **natural**_ _about dynamic! It's a perversion. Now be quiet, and_ _ **do as you're told!**_

"So what do you say?" The young man leaned down close to her ear. "Are you going to watch your friends die, or are you going to do as you're told and go down like the pathetic little piece of subby nothing that you are?"

" _ **I'M A DOM, YOU SON OF A BITCH!**_ " The kunai slammed through the top of his foot and into the ground below before he had time to so much as _twitch_.

There was no Inner Sakura. There was no Outer Sakura. There was only _Sakura_ , burning bright and furious, one cohesive whole as she grabbed another kunai from her pouch and sliced across both of his Achilles tendons. He shrieked in pain, but Sakura was already out of his grasp and moving, her body for once in perfect harmony with her mind. With a final flick, she lodged a kunai in his throat before he had time to come to his senses. (He had been going to _hurt her boys_. He didn't _deserve_ to see another sunrise.) The other young man raising his hand for some sort of jutsu. (Naruto and Sasuke were still unconscious, vulnerable. She had to lead the enemy away, protect her teammates.) Her fingers flew through the seals that she had spent so much time practicing.

"Doton: Doryuheki!"

This time, for the first time, there was no last minute blip in her concentration. The tall earth wall rose up smooth and perfect and just in time. The tidal wave of sound impacted against the wall with the force of a catapult. The vibrations shook painfully through Sakura's body and crumbled the edges of her barrier. Then the young woman was attacking Sakura from the side, a vicious strike opening a bloody gash over Sakura's eye as she dodged out of the way. Her earth wall collapsed. The young woman threw something at her, but Sakura was already flinging herself out of the way with a shunshin. (A tiny, distant part of Sakura wondered at the sudden surety and confidence that filled her, the quicksilver swiftness of her reactions. Was this how Naruto and Sasuke felt all the time? No wonder they loved to fight.) The attack hit the woman's teammate in the shoulder instead.

"Damn it, Kin! Watch where you're throwing those things!"

But Sakura wasn't listening to them. She was forming the seals for a bunshin and then ( _Doton: Moguragakure no Jutsu_ ) she was underground and digging.

(She couldn't keep this up forever. Her chakra was going to run out soon – too many jutsus in a row. She had to protect her boys. Protect, protect, _protect_.)

Sakura felt her bunshin disperse, just as she rose from the ground behind the second man like an avenging angel. He started to turn, kunai flashing out-

"Oh, _fu-!_ "

She slammed her armored forearm into the side of his head knocking him out cold. His kunai caught her across the stomach on an angle as he fell, but it was a shallow wound.

Sakura turned to face the last standing Sound-nin. Sakura was bruised, bleeding, and verging on chakra depletion. Adrenaline was pretty much the only thing still keeping her upright. The other young woman scowled at her.

"I'll admit, you're better than I thought, but nothing short of a miracle is going to stop me from-"

"Katon: Gokakyu no Jutsu."

A fire ball bloomed bright and beautiful from where Sasuke still lay on the ground. The woman dodged out of the way with a shriek. Sakura didn't spare any time to rejoice over the fact that Sasuke had woken up. She snatched the opportunity that she had been given with both hands and darted forward. She slammed into the other woman's back and grabbed the back of her neck as tightly as she could. (The young woman was a switch. Sakura knew she was a switch. She was gambling everything on her being a switch.)

"DOWN!" Sakura ordered with every ounce of force and power and authority she could muster. The young woman froze, muscles trembling and uncertain. " _DOWN!_ " Sakura bellowed again. This time the young woman practically collapsed in Sakura's grip. Sakura wobbled slightly at the unexpected head-rush it gave her. She walloped the young woman over the head, rendering her unconscious, then turned and-

Oh. Woah. Her knees were not so steady any more. And she felt _really_ sick. Really, _**really**_ -

Sakura leaned over and threw up.

"Sakura? Are you all right?" Sasuke was up and obviously still fighting for complete control of his legs. Sakura really wished that she wasn't feeling so nauseous, so that she could properly appreciate that expression on his face which looked suspiciously close to awe. The taste of bile in her mouth really detracted from the moment.

"I'm not sure what happened," she admitted dazedly. She glanced around the clearing and then mumbled, "I think I killed somebody." (And she didn't regret it either. Wasn't she supposed to regret it? Maybe that came later.) "We should get their scrolls."

"I will. You need to sit down and have some water."

"Okay."

Sakura allowed Sasuke to take her hand and lead her over to the tree that Naruto was still pinned to. Sasuke kept shooting her sideways looks. She was too disoriented to notice that Inner Sakura had absolutely nothing to say about this.

* * *

They had both scrolls. Now they just needed Naruto to wake up so they could get back to the tower. Sakura supposed that they could have carried him, but she and Sasuke both needed the rest as well. She leaned back against the cave wall and closed her eyes. Sasuke had volunteered to take the first watch.

Her head felt… quiet. It hadn't felt like that in more years than she could remember.

( _This is me_ , whispered something soft and quiet deep down in Sakura's chest. _This is really_ _ **me**_ _. This is who I am._ )

* * *

 _A/N: So I have a prequel to this story that I can post (because this was originally supposed to be about Kakashi until Sasuke hijacked things) and have a third segment which continues with the chuunin exams in the works (switching back to Sasuke's point of view). If y'all continue to be interested, we'll see how things go!_


End file.
